I tend to think of myself as a fairly positive person. So this challenge sounded like it would be easy. 3 weeks of no complaining sounds like nothing compared to the other challenges I’ve tried for my Make the Habit series, like walking 10,000 steps or drinking 2L of water a day. But once I stopped complaining (or… tried to stop), I realized just how difficult, but life-changing, this process would be.
Complaining is deeply interwoven into the fabric of our daily routines – studies have shown that the average person complains 15-30 times a day. And while complaining does have some benefits, like helping relieve frustration and helping us bond with others, it’s also got some huge negative consequences that make giving up, or at least reducing our complaints, a huge no-brainer.
What are the dangers of complaining?
- Frequent complaints can turn our complaining into a habit.
The more we repeat a behavior, the easier it becomes to fall back into that behavior again and again. Constantly complaining literally rewires your brain for negativity. - It can increase levels of cortisol in your body.
Cortisol, also called the stress hormone, can wreak havoc on our bodies. Increased levels of cortisol can lead to depression, digestive problems, sleep issues, higher blood pressure, and even an increased risk of heart disease. - Complaining makes the people around you more likely to complain too.
Listening to someone else complain makes you more likely to complain too. Constantly complaining can keep you and the people around you trapped in a cycle of negativity. - It causes you to focus on the negative.
Ruminating on the negative makes it harder to be grateful for all the positives in our lives. - Complaining can physically damage your brain.
A study from Stanford found that complaining, or even being complained to for 30 minutes, can shrink neurons in the hippocampus, the region of the brain that plays a major role in learning and memory. Yikes!
3 tips to help you cut down on your complaining:
1. Become aware of just how much complaining you do
The first step for me was to take note how just how much I was complaining – and it was a lot more than I had expected. I made notes in my head whenever I noticed myself complaining or having the urge to complain.
I challenged myself to stop complaints in their tracks by instead taking those frustrating moments as a chance to feel gratitude. So instead of complaining about the heat, I tried to be thankful for the sun. It is amazing how much this small shift changed my mindset!
Will Bowen, the founder of Complaint Free World, suggests wearing a complaint bracelet to help you keep track of your complaining. The idea is that every time you catch yourself complaining, you switch the bracelet from one wrist to the other. The physical act of moving the bracelet makes you hyper-aware of your negativity and can help you stop complaining in its tracks!
Explore the reasons why you complain
Complaining is an expression of all the negativity we feel throughout the day. I thought I knew why I complained – but once I stopped complaining, the reasons I complained became even more clear. Some common reasons we might complain:
- We’re spending time around other complainers
- We complain out of habit
- We’re avoiding actually solving the problem, or feel unable to solve it
- We don’t know how to express our feelings more effectively
Once you break down the reasons that you complain, it becomes easier to actually tackle the root of the problem rather than expressing yourself through complaints.
Learn how to complain more effectively
One of my biggest struggles when I stopped complaining was defining what actually counted as a complaint. Quitting complaining isn’t the same as toxic positivity – it doesn’t mean you can never express any of your negative thoughts, experiences, or emotions. But it’s important to learn how to complain effectively so that it serves you rather than dragging you down. I gave myself 3 rules that guided my complaints during this experiment:
- Complaining is only allowed when it served a purpose.
If your food is served undercooked at a restaurant or someone does something that bothers you at work, that’s not complaining – it’s standing up for yourself. Those statements were completely acceptable during this challenge. - Complaining about things that have a solution is off limits.
Sometimes it is so much easier to complain about something rather than actually taking action to fix it. If you know exactly what you need to do to improve your situation, don’t complain about it – just do it! - Venting was allowed because it can actually be beneficial to us – and it isn’t the same as complaining.
Complaining is generally situation-based and only serves to reinforce the problem. Venting, on the other hand, is more about our feelings surrounding the situation. Expressing those feelings can be healthy, as long as it’s not chronic or overly negative.
Final thoughts
My experience when I stopped complaining for 21 days was amazing – but it didn’t all play out exactly how I thought it would. Bad or annoying things still happen to you when you don’t complain about them. And in the beginning, not being able to complain about those inconveniences actually made me notice them more! But as time went on and the challenge became more like a habit, I barely noticed those things that would have been a huge trigger for my complaining before. The challenge didn’t just change my expression of these emotions, but my whole outlook on life as well.
As always, I am only human and my attempts at these challenges are never perfect. But with this one, I don’t think it matters. It’s all about progress, not perfection. Even just the effort to complain less will help you become a more positive person… And could quite possibly change your life in the process. And that’s nothing to complain about!
Pin me for later!
Thank you so much to Colton Politte Photography and Rebecca Power Photography for all the lovely pictures in this post! We took these right in the middle of the challenge which is why I’m furiously smiling in that ocean shot instead of complaining about how frigid that water was! And thank you to YOU for reading and supporting Finding Julianne. You make me endlessly grateful for this little community every day!
Great post. No complaints from me in this one. 😉
I think I need to learn to stop complaining too. I don’t know why, but I like complaining about small things which is sometimes brings argument with my partner. I like your tips thanks for sharing.
I think I need to learn to stop complaining too. I don’t know why, but sometimes I like complaining about small things which is sometimes brings arguments with my partner. I like your tips thanks for sharing.
Great article! It’s always a good idea to build your awareness—especially when it comes to our mindset and habits. I’ve found that a powerful way to combat complaining or negativity in general is to practice gratitude. It only takes a few seconds, but it can be so powerful!
I gotta do this. This is a must for me- reading up on the side effects was scary. When we’re trying to live a healthy life, it doesn’t mean it’s all about food – this article shows that it also involves mindset. Thanks for the great read.
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