Facebook. Instagram. YouTube. Twitter. We aren’t just surrounded by the media – we’re surrounded by social media. When we watch movies, we know that the characters and their perfect lives are fake. When we see real people showcasing their highlights for the world to see, it can be hard to draw that line between impossible and attainable. Comparing our lives and bodies to the images we see on social media can lead to feelings of inadequacy, FOMO, and isolation.
Instagram is a particularly harmful offender. Check out this report from the UK’s Royal Society for Public Health which lists Instagram as the most negative social media site for young people in terms of mental health, loneliness, self-image, and the opportunity for self-expression. Combined with the fact that the average person spends over 2 hours a day on social media (53 minutes specifically on Instagram), it’s a recipe for disaster. It seems almost impossible to escape from social media. Besides deleting all your accounts and moving into a cottage in the woods (still a viable option tbh), what’s a girl to do?
It doesn’t need to be all bad. We become what we surround ourselves with. Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could surround yourself with a social feed that uplifted, inspired, and empowered you? Luckily, there are things you can do to improve your relationship with social media. Read on for 3 problems social media can cause and how you can solve them!
Problem 1: social media makes you fall into the comparison trap.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, we subconsciously compare ourselves to others all the time. Logically, we know that social media is a highlight reel. Everyone has bad hair days, breakouts, and their own personal struggles – it’s just that these images never make it to Instagram.
If your Instagram feed is filled with people you are always interpreting as prettier, smarter, richer, or just “more perfect” than you, it can be easy to get down on yourself for not also being those things. These constant comparisons can be detrimental to your self-esteem and happiness.
Solution: fill your feed with people who post positive, realistic content.
Hidden amongst all the influencers and models posting photoshopped bikini pics, Instagram is also home to thousands of real people posting their real lives. In recent years I’ve unfollowed many of the Kylie Jenners and Bella Hadids and replaced them with influencers and models who look, act, and post a little more like me.
It’s still normal to compare yourself to others. But when you’re following people who post their real bodies and lives, that comparison looks a lot less like “I wish my body looked like that” and more like “my body looks like that! And if she can look amazing and confident at my size, then maybe I can too.”
Some accounts I recommend include KhrystyAna (a stunning curvy model who shows that you don’t need to be a size extra small to be fashionable), Sarah Nicole Landry from thebirdspapaya (a beautiful blogger and influencer who regularly posts her stretch marks and cellulite), and Dianne Bondy (an author and yoga instructor who promotes accessible yoga for all bodies). Of course, you could also check out my account where I share a realistic look into my messy midsized life.
Recommended Post: How to be Body Positive as a Mid-Sized Woman + My Favourite Clothing Brands for In-Betweeners
Problem 2: you seek external validation in the form of social media engagement.
How often does this happen to you? You post a picture on Instagram… Then you refresh… Then you refresh again. You start to second guess yourself. Why isn’t this getting more likes? Isn’t it a good picture? Am I not good enough?
We all know that we shouldn’t seek validation from external sources. But Instagram is built in a way that makes us crave more followers and likes. It stops being about connecting with other people and starts being about numbers on a screen. Instagram has even acknowledged this problem and tested removing other people’s like counts from feeds in some countries (I haven’t seen the number of likes on someone else’s picture in almost a year!) But that doesn’t eliminate the most important number of likes – our own. When your worth is directly tied to those numbers, it spells trouble for your self-esteem.
Solution: practice the drop method of posting.
You’ve probably never heard of drop posting before… Because I made it up. But since I’ve come up with it, it’s been easier to share my content without being obsessed with the numbers.
Step 1: click post on your picture. Step 2: drop your phone and do something else to distract you. It’s a great time to go for a walk, call a friend, or read a book. Spending some time away from your phone in those first minutes of posting can relieve some of the stress and pressure that posting makes you feel. Reducing some of the initial stress about numbers can also help you care less about them in the long term too.
Problem 3: social media makes you feel fake.
I recently uploaded a photo to my Instagram. I was wearing my favourite dress, red lipstick, and a big smile… And I uploaded that picture from my bed, while wearing PJ pants and smudged mascara because I had just finished crying about a cat video on Facebook. Even though the photo was really of me, it felt disingenuine to upload a highlight of my life when the reality was far from glamorous.
Constantly putting on a happy face for social media can be exhausting. Feeling like you can only put your most perfect self out into the world makes it hard to accept the real, flawed, regular you that you are everyday.
Solution: empower your true self by posting honest pictures and captions.
Since I started posting more honestly and openly on social media, I’ve felt my confidence bloom. I feel less pressure to be perfect every time I make a post. And to my surprise – my friends and followers love and appreciate seeing the new, authentic me on their feeds.
Challenge yourself to post a picture where your hair isn’t perfect, or your tummy doesn’t look flat. Posting your imperfect self in a place where there’s so much pressure to be perfect can feel incredibly freeing.
Pin me for later!
If this resonated with you, please share with a friend, or on social media! We all need to work together to make the internet a friendlier and more uplifting place.
As always, keep dreaming. I’ll see you back here on Monday!
With love,
Yes to the “Comparision Trap!” Perfect way to describe it. I’m old enough to realize that’s what social media is doing. But it makes me wonder (and fear) what it’s doing to a younger generation. Thanks for putting this out there to help people better understand and not fall into the trap π
I love your posts about body positivity. You’re gorgeous and your styles are always on point, but you’re also so real about being normal. Thanks for the honesty. Sometimes it feels like everything I share is fake or inauthentic to draw people’s attention. It is exhausting.
absolutely. one does indeed fall for the need of external validation. Totally agree with all the 3 points.
Thank you for this, love! I’ve been struggling with social media a lot especially lately :(( your tips are so helpful – especially love the drop post method!
Outstanding post! As a new blogger trying to grow her business and brand, Instagram is rather overwhelming – especially since I never used it before now for all of the reasons you listed. Thank you for the advice!
Girl, I LOVE THIS! I wrote a similar post about social media. I never have really followed any celebrities, I do enjoy following people like are similar to my interests fitness, health and travel. My husband and I went to Bali for a month last year and I was really, really disappointed. Bali looks so magical online, but when we got there it was filled with garbage, the people there burn garbage, and everything is about social media there. Oh you want to swing in the rice paddies? You can rent a dress too! It had signs and packages on instagram and it got really annoying. As much as I love getting dressed up and taking pictures this was a bit too much. I definitely didn’t get to experience the whole “zen part” of Bali.
Really interesting read, thank you
I completely agree! I once took a six-month break from Facebook (complete break) and just wow! It’s quite shocking how much social media can affect you without even knowing it. However, I love to use social media for accountability. When I really struggle with getting something done and I post it on my social media, even no one cares, it still pushes me to get it done hahaha
So true! These are all things that I used to experience with Instagram. These days, I am spending more time on platforms such as Twitter and Medium that are more text-based. I think I still feel the urge to check my stats all the time, but it is not as bad as Instagram. Thanks for sharing, Julianne!
I have loved seeing your Instagram grow into something that is so truly you! When I look at your feed now, it feels like Julianne and itβs beautiful! Thanks for these tips, my beautiful friend! Sending love! Xo
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