There are three words that have puzzled psychologists, anthropologists, scientists, and everyday people for centuries. You’ve probably asked yourself this question a thousand times before, and I’m sure you’ll continue to wonder about it for as long as you’re here on our little blue planet. No matter how hard we think about it, we might never have a concrete answer.
Who am I?
I don’t mean who you want to be. Or the person other people have made you believe that you are. Deep in the very core of your soul, what do you want? What do you value? What makes you special?
If this question fills you with a sort of existential dread, you’re not alone. Confronting your true self can be nerve-wracking. But it’s an essential step in the road to leading a mindful and confident life. Not knowing who you are isn’t a bad thing. But not trying? It can make you feel frustrated, unfulfilled, and empty.
Without diving into who you really are, you can feel lost and directionless, like a ship without an anchor. What are the signs that you could be due for some self-exploration and confidence building? Read on to find out!
1. You don’t respond well to criticism or praise.
If you don’t know who you really are, you take every piece of criticism to heart. Likewise, you might be desperate for reassurance. You use the opinions of others to determine your own worth. But a person who’s confident in their true self and their abilities won’t be overly swayed by praise or criticism. Using others as a gauge for your self worth means that your internal compass might need a tune-up.
2. You’re extremely competitive.
When you’re competitive, you are basing your self worth on how you perform compared to others. You strive to be the best, and if you’re not at the top, you consider yourself a failure. A confident person can still compete – but they measure their success based on their own improvements and goals, not on the achievements of other people.
3. You’re a people pleaser.
Being polite certainly isn’t a bad thing. But if you spend your whole life trying to make others happy, it might be a sign that your own self-confidence is lacking. Confident people aren’t afraid to go against the grain if that’s what suits them.
4. You surround yourself with negative people.
Confident people surround themselves with people who help lift them up. If your relationships are pulling you down, it’s a sign that you might not know your own worth.
5. Your judgment of yourself is black and white.
On good days you’re on top of the world! But one mistake can send you tumbling back down into the depths of self-hatred. You are still you no matter if you succeed or fail. If you have a strong sense of self, you’ll be able to carry that confidence through good and bad days.
6. You don’t know what you want.
From big decisions like what career to pursue, to smaller ones like what to eat for dinner – you feel paralyzed by choices. Confidence in yourself will also give you confidence in your decisions. When your choices are made using your true self as a guide, you will never be wrong.
7. You feel unfulfilled.
If you feel unfulfilled, it might be because you’re not using that inner compass to guide you. By knowing yourself and filling your life with things that fuel the fire in your soul, you’ll craft a life that will make your heart happy.
I’m no expert in self-confidence. In fact, this list was easy for me to create because I fall into almost all of these categories. Most people do! Learning to recognize when your behaviour comes from a self-driven place versus when it’s coming from an insecure and unsure place is the first step on your journey to becoming a more fulfilled and confident person. Here’s to finding ourselves a little more everyday!
Great thought provoking post, I’m working through some long overdue mental cleansing and finding out who I am and actually liking me.
Thank you Justine! You’re totally right. I’m in the middle of some self-exploration right now and it’s an incredible feeling. Good luck on your journey!
Wonderful post. We all could use a boost in confidence. This definitely gave me something to think about.
I totally agree, Tiffany. Authentic confidence is so hard to find but so worth it! Thank you for reading!
The people-pleasing is a big tip-off for me. I usually stay quiet, especially online, because I’m terrified of a comment being misconstrued, someone trolling me and disagreeing, or just someone thinking I should mind my own business. But we have to accept that not everyone will like us, no matter how WONDERFUL we are. It’s a statistical impossibility. Once we get over people-pleasing and get comfortable with the inevitable haters, we can experience true self-acceptance. Thanks for this post!
Thank you, Annie! I totally agree – the only person we need to impress is ourselves. It takes a lot of work to get to that point (I’m certainly not there yet!), but I think it’s worth it. Take care!
This is a great post. It gives a lot to think about. I’m definitely a people pleaser and I can also relate to number 5. The slightest set-back kind of knocks me down. I need to work on these things. Thanks for the food for thought.
I’m so glad you found it helpful. Becoming aware of your behaviour is the first step in analyzing it and improving. Thank you for reading and for your comment!
I love the simplicity of the post. I am a recovering people pleaser and some situations are harder than others to manage, but I appreciate the link to confidence. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Sadie! I totally know what you mean. It takes time to become more comfortable and confident in your own skin without catering to others, but good on you for working on it!
Dang! This was such a powerful read. Always trying to please everyone has always been a struggle for me. Something I am working on. 🙂
Thank you so much, Alyssa! It’s definitely a long road. Good luck on your journey!
Lovely article! Well written
I took a personality test at one point and got people pleaser. It’s definitely something I need to work on, but it also helps me with the customer service aspects of my job (for the most part!). So, pros and cons for sure.
Wow these are great reasons. I definitely resonated with a few of those in my twenties. I like that you brought up people pleasing. I’ve come to realize that’s the secret way that you don’t have confidence in yourself. You think you’re just being awesome by helping other endlessly, but really you’re just showing the lack of confidence and the insecurities. All of which can be overcome! Great post!
Great article. So often many fall within a few of these categories not even realizing how unhealthy it is. It’s a work in progress and half the battle is merely recognizing unhealthy behaviors. Thanks for pulling this framework together.
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