10 Reasons Why You Are Still Struggling With Self-Love

Self-love seems like it should be so easy, doesn’t it? But in practice, it rarely is. If you’re struggling with self-love, you’re not alone. Here are 10 reasons why you might be struggling with self-love – and some life-changing tips that will help you finally embrace the self-love you’ve always dreamed of.

1. You still don’t truly understand what self-love is.

I think many of us believe that finding self-love will fix all our problems. But self-love doesn’t mean that you never have a bad day or think any bad thoughts about yourself.

Instead, it means that you’re able to treat yourself with grace, acceptance, and kindness as you ride all the waves that life throws at you. If you think, even subconsciously, that your self-love journey is going to eliminate all of your problems, it can be tough to know when you’ve finally found it. If you’re struggling with self-love, maybe it’s time to revisit your understanding of self-love in the first place.

2. You think that you’re hurting others by truly loving yourself.

Many of us have spent our lives trying to constantly please and take care of other people. When you’re so used to putting yourself last, putting yourself first can feel unbelievably selfish.

But self-love and self-care aren’t selfish. How can you believe that the rest of the world deserves all your love and not give any to yourself? You can’t pour from an empty cup, and self-love is how you fill that cup for yourself. Maybe realizing that will be the first step to finally showing yourself the self-love that you deserve.

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3. You are still measuring your self-worth by what others think of you.

I would love to live in a world where none of us measure our self-worth by what the rest of the world thinks of us. But the reality is, many of us are still letting other people decide our worth, and it’s getting in the way of us truly being able to be responsible for our own self-love.

I think this struggle is particularly hard for people who grew up being judged or not fully accepted by the important people in their lives, like parents or friends. If you dealt with this rejection early on, you might still be carrying it around with you and waiting for that approval before you fully accept yourself. In order to truly find self-love, you’ll need to take your self-worth back into your own hands first.

4. You’re not accepting yourself for who you truly are.

Truly accepting yourself means accepting all the parts of yourself, even the parts that aren’t so pretty. It’s easy to love the beautiful things about ourselves. Loving the unpleasant parts is much harder – but even more important.

Accepting those negative traits can feel uncomfortable; we’ve been taught to hide and feel ashamed of those parts of ourselves. But until you fully embrace your flaws, are you really practicing true, unconditional self-love?

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5. You’re expecting to go from self-hate to self-love overnight.

When you’ve only ever felt self-hate, moving straight to self-love can feel like a scary and impossible jump. If you’re struggling with self-love, maybe it’s because you haven’t done the work yet to actually get yourself there.

Instead of obsessing over that need to love yourself, try accepting yourself first. Giving yourself that chance to accept yourself before placing so much pressure on yourself to find self-love can be an important step on that journey that too many of us try to skip over.

6. You spend too much time comparing yourself to others.

It can be easy to compare yourself to others and feel that you are less deserving of self-love. But the truth is – there are billions of brilliant, amazing, loveable people in the world. And you are one of them.

Part of the reason we are so hard on ourselves is that we see all our own mistakes and negative thoughts. But everyone, even the world’s most seemingly perfect people, have flaws, insecurities, and shortcomings. Comparing your internal struggles to what someone else shows on the outside will never be a fair comparison – and will keep you stuck struggling with self-love.

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7. You are still punishing yourself for past mistakes.

The past can haunt us if we let it. We’ve all made mistakes and done things that we regret. But if you are unable to let go and forgive yourself, you will always be struggling with self-love.

Self-love doesn’t mean that you believe you’re a perfect person who has always done the right thing. You can acknowledge your past without punishing yourself for it. True self-love means that you can see your mistakes as something you get to learn and grow from, instead of something that holds you back.

8. You’re waiting to be “perfect” before you truly start loving yourself.

We’ve all got things we’d like to change about ourselves. But if you’re waiting to be “perfect” before you start loving who you are, you’ll never actually get there.

It’s okay to want to become a better person. But that doesn’t mean that the person you are right now doesn’t still deserve your love and acceptance. That “perfect” version of yourself doesn’t exist – and honestly, they never will. There is no such thing as perfect. The only moment you have to love yourself in is right now. And you deserve to love yourself in this moment unconditionally, with no strings attached.

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9. You don’t act like you love yourself.

You can think about how much you love yourself all day long. But our words and actions are so much more powerful than any empty thoughts. If you don’t speak and act like you love yourself, how do you expect to really love yourself?

Acting like you love yourself is hard. It means standing up for yourself, and speaking positively about yourself, even when it’s easier to just keep your head down and continue the cycle of self-hate. But true self-love doesn’t just exist in our thoughts. Until you can move through the world like someone who loves themselves, you will always be struggling with self-love.

10. Self-hate is easier than self-love.

For many of us, self-hate is a habit. Self-love, on the other hand, is unfamiliar. It is so much easier to stay stuck in our familiar habits. Changing our lives by choosing self-love is uncomfortable – but its in that discomfort where we can finally grow.

Ask yourself – what is more important to me, protecting my comfort by clinging to harmful old habits, or challenging myself to push past the discomfort and into the life I’ve always dreamed of?

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Are you struggling with self-love in your life? What is holding you back? Let’s talk self-love in the comments below!

I hope you are making the most of these last few days of summer! Sending all my love,

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